Pretending
by LDT5413
Summary: When Payson looks at Max Spencer, she doesn't see the person in front of her. She sees Sasha Belov instead.


**AN: Yea I was kinda bored so this is my take on why Payson so foolishly hung out with Max. I know we can all agree that Max doesn't even compare to Sasha Belov. I may make this into a two-shot, three at most, but I'm not sure yet. Also I have a few stories that you guys might like if you're into the Payson/Sasha pairing. Love and Sacrifice, Mission Impossible, and Sasha Belov: The Heart of A Champion. So if you haven't read those yet, hop on over and read 'em, leaving a review when your done. Anyway I hope you guys read and review. This isn't much, but I was bored. Oh by the way, keep your guys hopes up for a season 3...I don't see why they wouldn't bring it back because it's a freaking awesome show. I did see on FB that it was coming back on Tuesdays in the Fall..so I don't know...I'm thinking that people was just posting stuff...who knows. Just read and review :-)**

When she first met Max Spencer she didn't get butterflies or swoon like Lauren seemed to do. Hell, she didn't throw herself at him or give him any reason to like her. She didn't do any of that because deep down she knew that if she tried to pursue anything with him, she would always be comparing him to others. Comparing Max to _him. _She knew that it wasn't fair to Max or anyone else to lead him on when she had nothing to give. Not when everything she had to give was in the hands of a man who was tucked away in some isolated place on the other side of the world.

When Max started to pursue her on his own accord she felt...odd and out of place. Max never made her feel beautiful or artistic or graceful, like _he _did. Never once showed the desire to push her to her limits or out of her comfort zone. He had a way of making her feel embarrassed and awkward, even if he was just trying to be friendly. Since she thought he was being friendly, she took the friendship he seemed to willingly offer. Over time she started to pretend that Max was some one else. Some one more tall...more muscular...more _everything. _She tried to push the images of blonde hair and steel blue eyes out of her mind, but found she never could. She even resorted to putting the pictures and medal in a drawer in hopes that she would forget about who those items represented. She soon found out that just because the items were hidden, didn't mean they weren't there. Just like her feelings.

When Sasha came back to The Rock, Payson started spending more time with Max, trying to erase the hopes and feelings that his return evoked in her. She noticed that Sasha avoided her like the plague, only talking or communicating to her when absolutely necessary. She felt petty and childish when she realized how his lack of communication with her stung. She found herself envying Lauren because Sasha was spending his time with her. That feeling alone made her frustrated and angry. To try and rid herself of any feelings Sasha related she ran. She ran every morning, three miles, just so she could ready herself for the battle and pain she faced every day at The Rock. When Max decided to join her she thought it wouldn't hurt. And it didn't for awhile. Then she started pretending again. Payson began thinking that running together is something that her and Sasha would have done, could have done if things were different. If only she was older or if only she met Sasha two years later or...something.

So she stopped running and then she stopped pretending. She stopped pretending when she saw the look on Sasha's face when Summer and Steve announced their impending marriage in Rio. Seeing Sasha's face cut her tender heart into pieces. Not because she herself was hurting, but because Sasha was hurting, Sasha was feeling betrayed, and because Sasha somehow had a broken heart to. Payson would do anything to glue together the broken heart of Sasha Belov, even if that meant seeing him with someone other than her. When Payson realized she would do anything to see Sasha happy, including seeing him with someone other than her, she knew she loved him. Not in a way an athlete loves their coach or in the way a friend loves a friend, but in a way one woman loves one man. Her chest burned with so much love that she had to get it out some how, some way. It was then that she saw Max standing near an exit.

She foolishly made her way towards him and together they walked into a more spacious, less crowded room. There in the silence Payson said 'I love you'. When she said it, she didn't see shaggy black hair, green eyes, or a smooth cheek. Instead she saw short blonde hair, light blue eyes, and a rough cheek. When Max said nothing she felt a knife stab through her chest. She didn't hear or see Max's rejection, but Sasha's instead. After a few agonizing seconds, Payson started running. She ran past the party and outside to her car where she vowed to herself that she was done pretending...at least...that's what she told herself.


End file.
